About the same time I decided to pursue employment from the perspective of a fun writing exercise, I also decided to no longer agonize over my lack of financial independence. Or technically I suppose, my failure to support my family and thereby pose no burden. Perhaps most difficult in this change of perspective was to really listen to and accept my husband’s reassurance that I was not and could not be a burden, because we were all together as a family and so any assets belong to and support the whole.
Accepting this required me to move beyond my lifelong quest to not be poor anymore. It’s a highly internalized definition. Though my current family has food to eat and a stable home, my childhood family frequently lacked both. So I equated having my own financial means as the ultimate overcoming that would allow me to no longer just be a poor person.
Though I would still very much like to be hired for my abilities and receive that elusive revenue stream thereby, I am slowly accepting that my worth and selfhood need not depend on such measures.
”honey I’m rich in personality” (Prince, baby I’m a star)